False Start

So it's Tuesday, the second day of the week, and I have a knack for starting days off on the wrong foot. I can feel myself being attacked really hard for all the great things that happened in New Orleans last week, but I wish I could say that I've won those battles. Yesterday was rough, and you would think that something that has plagued me before would be the last thing that I turn to in a time of war, but again I lost a battle today. Hopefully, and this is what I pray for, I can live the rest of day out of guilt and forget about it. Guilt is not from God. I feel that as soon as we can all recognize this, the better off we'll be. I'm not giving myself a license to sin, because that's not the life that Jesus wants us to live, but I'm not condemned by Jesus. There is no condemnation. Grace is such a perfect gift. I really don't want to go back to living life being numb, so I'll try harder to preserve and grow the life I still have in me.

HOPE Rise

I'm sitting here, it's just past 11 o'clock and I'm reeling with emotions, thoughts, and reflections over the past week. I've been in New Orleans helping out Katrina victims and the processing of it all is beginning to take place. As I think through all the happenings of the week I am certain of three things: the world has hope, God has hope, and hope comes through insignificant people.

One of the things we did as a student ministry in New Orleans was something so spiritually profound I don't know how to explain it. We handed out SnowBalls. Well, maybe it wasn't a theological or spiritual breakthrough, but man, was it awesome! We got to experience the people of New Orleans, which is the whole point. Something as simple as handing out free icy treats touched lives in incredible ways. We had so many people say to us things like, "You're bringing back the neighborhood" and "We're gonna make it" and "If it weren't for people like you, this place would still be a wreck." THIS IS THE STUFF I LIVE FOR! This is what Christ calls us to do. He calls us to let the world know that it still has hope. There is still hope in this world!

So we're handing out SnowBalls and a man walks up and takes one. He's a tall, underweight, man who looks rough. If you've ever seen The Machinist with Christian Bale, that's how he looked. Maybe not as emaciated, but he didn't look healthy. One of our students started talking with him and the guy asked us to pray for him. He didn't mean right there, but in general. Our student, who I saw incredible leadership in across the whole week, pulled him aside and started praying for him right there on the sidewalk. As I was talking to this student, later he said something like there's wasn't a point in letting him go and not be prayed for. I am so proud of the students in the group, and they're not just students, they're my friends this week that these words I write don't do it justice. Tears are coming to my eyes because I saw JESUS in them. God has hope for his people. He's probably looking down on us saying, "Keep it up! You're doing it! This is my kingdom being built and you are doing so well! I love you!" God believes in us.

Personally, I am really good at convincing myself that I'm insignificant. I pretty much always feel like God is going to use me in big ways, but that I'm not good enough to work for Him. I stumble...a lot. Something weird that's happened to me for probably two years now is that I have a number. People that know me, know this number because it follows me. I see it on billboards, on license plates, written on the back of dump trucks, in addresses, etc. The number is 311. I hadn't had the slightest clue about the meaning of such a thing, if there was even a meaning behind it until just recently. I was listening to a pastor speak and he used Exodus 3:11 which says, "But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" The man who was used by God to save the Israelites questioned God about his significance. If you've ever dealt with the ministries of a church, you've seen the students get shafted in the trust category. There are many churches that shun their students, thinking they're separate entity from the rest of the church. They're given their own room just so they can stay out the hair of everyone else. The truth is quite the contrary. Students are not insignificant. They are VITAL. Let me repeat that. They are VITAL to the life of the church. Who do you think is going to take over the church when the generation before them is gone? They are the future. This trip showed me that there is hope in the seemingly insignificant. God uses the underdog.

Hope was brought hard to New Orleans this week and I'm sure I speak for the group when I say it's time to shake the very foundations of our own community.

Adventures In Missing The Point

So I've been having some adventures lately. I mean, not like Indian Jones adventures or The Goonies kind of thing, but adventures in missing the point. I think I miss the point of following Jesus everyday. I end up doing something, dwelling on something, or just flat out ignoring something that God probably wants me to get/do. Like for the longest time I've been somewhat depressed and lonely while watching countless others get married, start dating, or just finding that "special someone" and myself being left out of the loop.

There are plenty of people my age who are in the same boat I am. There's no rush to settle down, because maybe it's that God doesn't want to do what He's going to do through me if I have someone else to take care of.

I'm single and I'm disposable. I can do anything God wants for me without thinking about a family to take care of or anything.

So I'm hoping God's doing something huge, because sometimes, it's just hard to be alone.

Late Night Brainstorming

So I was on my way home from class yesterday and I get a call from the youth pastor of my church asking if I want to come talk about student ministry stuff. As tired as I was, I was like sure because sometimes I don't know how to say no, but that's another issue.

We start talking and I feel like this is the road this student ministry was meant to be on from the beginning. Like, this is the track we need to be on in order to be effective, to be impactful, and most of all to have Jesus be at the heart of everything we do. Things are falling into place and I am stoked at the changes being made, the direction we're going in, and the potential lives that will be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit. We want Jesus. Bottom line. And once we've got Him, we're going to....well, I can't say anything further or it ruin the surprise!!! Stay tuned for new Springs Student Ministry happenings. It's going to be a good ride.

Jesus Wasn't A White Man

I'm sitting in the middle of my British Literature class and my mind is seriously starting to melt. We just completed reading Reveries of the Solitary Walker by Jean-Jacques Rousseau and were discussing the idea of thinking, over-thinking, the age of reason, etc. Basically in a nutshell all the things associated with the Western way of thought. Everything is rational, must be figured out, and abstract Eastern thought is pretty much thrown out.

The thing with me is this: As I think and think and think and use every bit of the Western lens I automatically see things through it points me more and more toward Eastern thought.

As far as Christianity is concerned we have Westernized things so much! We so often forget that the ideas and thoughts that we follow are Eastern ideas. I guess that's why I follow a lot of the thinking of Rob Bell. It's because he understands that Jesus was teaching Eastern thought and using Eastern ways of teaching. Often, well, all the time using abstract teaching. The students of the day were forced to THINK. As Westerners we are so used to having everything given to us on a silver platter and never once told to question the words of anyone.

Part of what set this off was a remark one of my classmates said about church saying "Once you put the dollar in the pot, you're expected to continue." And I was like YES you are, but not for the reason you're thinking about. Western thought says you give as an obligation with a "chain-like" connotation, when Eastern thought a.k.a. THE BIBLE (Jesus wasn't white, contrary to modern depictions) says give out of JOY. Where has the church (the people, not a building, but that's another post) been for these last 2,000 plus years?! How have we let ourselves get to the point where all people think is that we're out for their money in a negative way?

THINK PEOPLE. Take time to understand why we do the things we do, and then start, for lack of better words (sorry this might be harsh) cleaning up the mess of others. We, despite what America feeds down our throats, are not automatons. We are not religious machines, but followers of Jesus.

Ministry Thoughts and What Not

I was just recently thinking a little about ministry and what it looks like to be a team in that ministry. There's been a lot of talk between and friend and I about how we think churches should function and the most effective way to do so. There are two things that came to mind. Both incredibly simple.

The first being a church, and this only my opinion so don't take this as the end all be all of answers, should be staff led. I think that the existence of committees and "red tape" to go through to get anything done hinders the growth and reach of the church in its community. If led by the staff, a church can make decisions faster, and with the overall vision of the church left intact. To have committee after committee, or "team" after "team" that are involved in all the major decisions of the church is like playing telephone. By the time the decision has to be made, the vision is often lost, and the message becomes more of who's opinion reigns supreme and who gets lost in the dust of the argument.

I recently visited a church in South Carolina that is set up in a "top down" format. Basically the head pastor and the ten staff heads are the decision makers of the church. It doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever to have someone making large decisions about the church, that do not work for the church and, God forbid, haven't grasped a hold of the vision. Now, taking small plant churches into consideration, this doesn't stand true because the church can't afford to pay that many staff members. This simply applies to developed churches.

The second idea I was thinking of was that a pastor and his spouse should be thought of as a team. I reading a blog from another church half way across the globe and every main pastor is pictured with his/her spouse and all the entries, unless personalized individually, are signed with both names. The pastor and pastor's wife ARE A TEAM!!! They should be thought of that way! A pastor's wife should be the second half of the pastor's ministry. They should be one team.

I desire for a wife someone who can stand by me in ministry. I don't want to be known as just myself, but myself and my wife.

Anyway. That's a book for today and like always, these are just spewings of the mind, so don't kill me over anything!

Bible Rant #1

Summer is officially here. I'm sitting in the student center at school and typing this while I should be reading, but hey, I'm not sure I would have gotten this far with college if procrastination wasn't in the mix.

I've forgotten how depressing summer classes are. There's virtually no one on campus and the place is deserted. Shoot, I've forgotten how much I don't like summer. It's too hot, it's muggy at times, I sunburn way too easily, and as far as guy stuff is concerned, all the girls here seem to corporately wear less and less clothing, making it difficult to keep my mind pure during the day.

Amidst all the thing I don't enjoy about summer is this: I'm actually going to read the entire Bible. I've never done this before. It will be a feat for me and will hopefully help me create the discipline I so terribly need in my life. I read the first sixteen chapters of Genesis last night and was blown away by the idea that all of those people from Adam and Eve, to Abram, actually had face to face, personal, and most of the time physical encounters with God.

Sometimes I pray for God to wreck me in a way that I'll never recover from. By this I mean that God would tear me down and I would never be the same, because here is my plight (most of you will relate to this): my sins always come back, and I end up going back to my sins. It's not that I make a conscious effort to constantly sin, or is it? Every sinful action requires a choice to commit the act or run from it. Most of the time my legs refuse to run.

Anyway. I'm hoping and praying that my discipline habits will grow through this and that God will reveal Himself to me in a huge way. Maybe a burning bush. We'll see.