I Don't Even Know Where To Begin Giving This A Title

I've been thinking a lot lately. Yes, I know, that might be dangerous like playing with fire at a gasoline station, but it happens sometimes. I understand that life has it's ups and downs and it takes a long time to learn to cope with the bad as much as the good; especially if you believe in God. Sometimes, who am I kidding, often, we don't have a clue about this life, what it means, or how to live it, but we try. We know that God is in control, but so often it looks, at least to me, just like chaos.

I think that I've found that music is how I cope with this life. I mean, I've always known this, but I think that God is telling me something about my life. I think He's telling me that music is what He wants for me. My soul stirs like a cauldron at the thought. My heart beats eighty-thousand bpms when I even mention the idea of playing music.

It's all due to Missy Higgins. She doesn't know this, and I doubt she ever will, but I think she's a catalyst. I was at her show Friday night...side note...I don't really care how trivial this sounds, so if you don't want to read further, have a great day...continuing thought...I knew as soon as she walked onto the stage and her band came out that it was going to be amazing. During the show I just closed my eyes and sonically scanned all the parts in the music like I was jumping from part to part and instrument to instrument. The world felt ALIVE to me. My heart strings were taught.

I found that my passion is to play music for the rest of my life. There is nothing else in this world, next to Jesus, that fulfills me more than this. And I mean nothing. I'm tearing up just writing this.

I'm watching a movie right called Henry Poole is Here. There was a line in the movie that was talking about a guy who lived a whole life of sadness, and then someone came into his life and he couldn't remember what it was like to be sad anymore.

I guess you can put two and two together.

Not that my whole life has been a wreck, it hasn't, but when I play, when I pick up my guitar and flesh out a song from nothing, it has meaning to me. It takes my heart in a direction that I know it wants to go. The things that were once wrecked, don't feel so impossible anymore. But I have another side to this.

I feel like I'm being shoved down into a hole and not able to get out. I don't have any doors to walk through or any people to talk to that could help me in my endeavor. I guess this is how I'm going to know if it's God or not.

I know He hears this, and I'll say it now, that I would give my life for Him. I will live my life for Him, and I know that He puts desires in my heart. I believe this is one of them. So I'll pray for this for the rest of my life. One day it may happen. So I'll wait.