Today

THIS POST STARTS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLACE THAN IT ENDS (Such is my thought process):

I keep coming back to this one thought in my head that I heard a few weeks back: divine appointments.

I also keep coming back to the fact that despite how much I try, I never remember to pray for them. Intentionality has never been my forte. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm somewhat lazy, shy when it comes to making new relationships, an over-analyzer, a poet, or whatever. I feel like I'm floating through life and not really having a say in anything.

I get caught up in my own flaw of not really being content in the same place for an extended period of time. I guess I've convinced myself that where I am is a trap. It sucks you in and makes you do that same things over and over again and a change of scenery grows quickly out of grasp.

People that grow up in Ringgold, rarely ever leave Ringgold. There are so many people here that just drop out of high school and do exactly what their parents did. Have a kid between 16-18 years old and never really make a life for themselves. There are exceptions to the rules and ton of the people I know do not fall into this category. I guess this whole thing is out of a fear that my life is going to end up mundane and uneventful.

What scares me now, is that there could be a possibility of things being shaken up. I'm talking to an extremely awesome girl right now, but she lives quite a bit away. I'd love for this to happen, but I can't quit coming back to the thought that nothing ever works the way I wish it would. It scares me. Failure scares me because I feel like I know it so well. I want so bad to be content with "letting things happen" but with that comes being content if they don't happen. I'm praying that God would give me the strength and perseverance to get through the things that don't happen.