Gumption

I just got back from an incredible weekend away. I've been on a retreat with the campus ministry I'm involved with and it was such a great weekend. God was there and we learned a lot. The great thing was that it wasn't based on a short-lived emotional high that most retreats are based on. I seriously appreciate our campus pastor for designing the weekend in a way that we actually learned practicality in following Jesus. Not to say that emotions aren't important, but it's about balance, as I've said in previous blogs.

My life needs so much work.

To preface the way I am now I have to talk about the past. My past is full of pride. I've been a musician for most of my life and I've been in front of people for most of those years as well. With any responsibility that involves doing something in front of people, the enemy uses pride against you. I fell for that.

I'm since over that issue by the grace of God and I am so aware that I am nothing without Christ. However, I'm always taking precautions (possibly just paranoia) to not fall into that trap again. I'm so afraid of taking too much credit for things that most of the time it makes me look like a pushover and a weak, overly-shy, individual.

For instance, I introduced a song at the retreat that I wrote. I usually don't tell people that I wrote the song because I don't EVER want to be thought of as shoving songs at people because I wrote it and I'm trying to show it off. I will NEVER do that.

So it's like, do I tell people I wrote the song? I'm proud of the song because God gave it to me in order to lead others closer to Him, but I don't want to be forthright in telling people, "Hey, I wrote that."

In a nutshell, I really need to work on having more courage, and more gumption. That's the word. I've been searching for the word the entire time. Gumption. Yep, pray that I get more of that.