A Work In Progress

I've decided to start compiling thoughts together and attempt at creating a book. I've always seen myself writing a book because I always have something to say, but I've never really sat down and tried to attempt starting one. My interests have sort of shifted from fiction to Christian thought in the past couple of years and it's about time that I actually attempted something and seen it through. I wrote the "first" chapter today, and I'll post it here. You'll realize my quotes around "first" after you read it. Comments are so totally welcome!!! Here's an editing question for those of you who actually have published work: How many pages typed in Word constitute the right length for a decent sized published chapter?



Chapter One




Chapter Two: Why There Is No Chapter One

“Do not enjoy yourself. Enjoy dances and theaters and joy-rides and champagne and oysters; enjoy jazz and cocktails and night-clubs if you can enjoy nothing better; enjoy bigamy and burglary and any crime in the calendar, in preference to the other alternative; but never learn to enjoy yourself."

G.K. Chesterton

The reason why there is no Chapter One is because I don’t like Chapter One. I don’t like having to start something new because blank pages, new places, etc. scare me. Don’t get me wrong, I love change. I love putting myself into situations that require me to get out and do things, meet people, and actually acquire a life, but that doesn’t change the fact that they scare the daylights out of me. Chapter One is scary. I feel like the unknown is lurking around the corner ready to jump out with some sort of sharp object or firearm to send me to oblivion. For me, this is brought to life in the form of clowns. I’m so afraid of clowns. Why would any kid in their right mind ever want a clown at a birthday party? Haven’t you ever seen the movie It? Clowns are horrible. They plop around in their larger than life shoes, dressed in bright colors, and pretend to be obnoxiously happy all the time. Not to mention, at least in the King movie, some clowns are actually monsters! Creepy!
So in keeping with the metaphor of change as Chapter One, and Chapter One as a clown, I always bring a little water with me. This water destroys the pages of Chapter One so there’s only Chapter Two, and wipes all the makeup off the clown’s face and reveals what’s underneath: a real person. This makes Chapter One situations not so ominous. There are so many scary things about Chapter One experiences and if there’s one thing that scares us the most, it’s feeling alone. Feeling alone is such a tricky subject to talk about because it’s unappealing and appealing at the same time. For one, feeling alone is easy. We don’t have to put ourselves through clown moments because we are comfortable in front of the computer playing games, checking Facebook or Myspace pages, or talking vicariously through an instant messenger. Feeling alone is a monster because in some strange way it feels good. However, when we are alone, usually of our own doing, we complain and feel depressed that we are alone. Never learn to enjoy yourself. Once you learn to enjoy yourself, others learn to enjoy not having you around. You become the ultimate Debbie Downer.
I call myself a musician/artist/aesthetic thinker and with that territory comes an ability to easily slink into depression. I’m constantly thinking about ideas, roaming around in the expanse of my head, and mostly over-analyzing things, so when something doesn’t go my way, or something upsetting happens, it stays in the forefront of my mind for an extended period of time. I don’t really fight these thoughts because the idea is passed around in society that being depressed is cool. The single, cultured, depressed, poet type is the one who everyone wants to be around. Chicks dig the poet. That is so untrue! If this were true I think I’d be on a different date every night! The hard part about Chapter One is trying to fight the urge to enjoy yourself—to feel alone. Now, feeling alone is different from being alone. There are times, and they must happen to have healthy relationships, where everyone needs alone time. This is being alone. Feeling alone is where you have healthy relationships, but whenever you’re away from those people, or those situations, you feel as if life isn’t complete. Your friends and family aren’t enough to feed the monster. This is untrue. You need to be able to function as well alone as you do with others. Jesus was fine on his own. He had his disciples, but I’m sure they weren’t with Him every waking hour of the day. He had to have His alone time. We all do. If we claim to follow the example of Christ, everyone needs to be alone sometimes.
There are several things we can use to fight the urge to feel alone. Chapter One doesn’t have to be so bad. Humor and wit are probably two of the most important things to me when starting a Chapter One experience. To take what life throws at you and make lemonade out of lemons is in my top three life lessons. Jesus says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Don’t worry about feeling alone! Take measures to not worry! Be intentional about making life light, fun, and without pressure. Even when it is full of darkness, pain, and serious pressure. You’ll be able to handle things easier when you take a step back, breathe, and handle things as they are.
Once you handle Chapter One, you’re golden. Pretty soon you’ll be to Chapter Two, and off to Chapter Three!