Things Will Be What They Will Be

I woke up this morning and went to the gym. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, I actually exercised. Contrary to popular belief, I am becoming more and more of an active person. I woke up, despite my intense desire to stay in my nice, warm, cozy, bed, and did what I believe I was supposed to do. This is so much like our spiritual walks with God. There are times where we seriously do not want to get out of bed and do what we know will make us better in the end. We don’t want to give up our habits that we enjoy, but we know are harmful in the long run, or the short run for that matter. Even though those habits may interfere with our relationship with the Father. This is just one thought I’ve had since I’ve been up extra early.

This is most likely going to be a long, random blog.

Another thought I had was how cool last night was.

I went to my friends’ house because they wanted me to meet a girlfriend of theirs, so I said sure. I had already seen pictures of her so it wasn’t the dreaded blind date, it wasn’t even a date at all, and I thought she was cute, so I consented to meeting her. Let me just say that pictures lie. She was gorgeous. So needless to say, I’ve got that on my mind right now.

I was talking with my brother before I went over there about how I’m a serious over-thinker. I analyze things, think about the what-if’s, and even dwell on them sometimes, but this time I just let things be what they were.

I feel like that is a personal goal that was met this time around and I’m proud of myself. This is the first time where I have had reigns over my thoughts and I’m not “crushing” per say, I just see this as potential for a positive direction in my relationship life. It was super preliminary, super casual, and went in just the right direction. I didn’t get her number, I didn’t ask her on a date, and I am so unbelievably okay with that. Things will be what they will be.

On the other hand, the following is what always happens in a situation like this. However, I will say it’s not happening now, and that’s another milestone for me.

Instead of rejoicing and being positive about a point in my life such as this, I tend to get depressed. I’ve been caught up in the idea—I guess because I’m a musician/artist/aesthetic person—that being depressed is cool. On the contrary, it’s such a waste of life.

I believe this whole habit is because of my past experiences. I’ve never had a successful attempt at a relationship. Never had mutual feelings shared with anyone. Rejection has been a huge part of this part of my life. So when someone comes along that I’m interested in, I get depressed because, based solely on past experiences, I believe I will never have that person. This is stupid. I mean, of course I’ll never get that person if I think like that.

So this time things are different.

I look forward to hanging out and getting to know her more. I look forward to having another potential friend in my life, or possibly something more, we’ll just wait and see.

Things will be what they will be.