The Eye of the Storm

I think I've started to climb uphill. Well, that'd be kind of obvious because really the only way to climb is uphill. You wouldn't really climb downhill would you? For me, that be more like rolling down hill because I'd gain so much momentum and then start plummeting. But I think I've found a place in my life where I can push myself through. I mean, I've found a place where I've started to let God push me through.

For the longest time I have been struggling with my future. I mean really wrestling. Like Randy Savage (God rest his soul). God seemed lately to be very distant, but I'm realizing that it was just me that was getting further away. That sounds so incredibly cliche and I wish I could say it differently, but it's true.

Those who know me know that I'm addicted to change. I love it. I love new places, new smells, new adventures, new people, new everything. However, for the past 3 years, I've been in the same place, doing the same thing, and around the same people. It's been tough, but I think that God has finally said, "Derek, you are following me and it's time I let you in on something, you're doing the right thing. You're in the right place and I'm proud of you."

So now that I feel I'm in the right place, I need to let go of something else. Lately I've been really really depressed. I'd wake up in the morning and feel so completely alone. I have amazing friends and family, but I just felt desolate. I had a conversation with a lady I work with in which I told her I've been single for all 23 years of my life. She said, "You're a good looking guy. I wonder why?" So I was like thanks and I've been asking myself the same question for most of those years. So I'm fully aware that God is taking care of it and I believe that if I start to calm myself down about where I need to be, then He'll take care of that as well.

I don't think God's going to throw a girl in a storm of a life. He's gotta throw Himself in there first to calm it. I'm approaching the eye. I can feel it.